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Vanishing

This site will vanish soon. It no longer interests me and it has never interested anyone else. I am just checking whether I could make it available for open posting.

Burning Tiger Woods: A New Year Story in Pictures

Tiger, tiger, burning bright

We are ending our sponsorship agreement with you and wish you well in the future...

In the forests of the night.


What immortal hand or eye
Dared frame your fearful symmetry?



In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of your eyes?


On what wings did you aspire?
What hand did dare seize your fire?


And what shoulder and what art
Twisted your sinews and your heart?


And when your heart begain to beat,
What dread hand and what dread feet?


What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was your brain?


What the anvil? What dread grasp?
Dared your deadly terrors clasp?


When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,


Did He smile His work to see?
Did He who made the lamb make thee?


Tiger, tiger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,


What immortal hand or eye
Dared frame thy fearful symmetry?

Happy New Year

IS THIS LAWYER HAPPY?

Why am I posting again? Simple. I am unhappy. So, I thought I'd share a little bit of my unhappiness around in the hope that unhappiness divided by you will become less. Oh, alright, I'm just asking for more shit. Post it. Go on. I love you too.

So, this is news? Bobbies Like a Bacon Sarnie? In a Nice Comfie Station? Instead of Going out in Nasty Cold Weather catching CRIMINALS.

FURIOUS POLICE ARREST JACK STRAW

A nice cup of tea and a bun as well, please.

“Some police officers - whatever they may say - actually enjoy staying in the police station in the warm. We are dealing with human beings, but we are also dealing with the kind of discipline and culture in the police service.”

Mr Straw added: “It is very striking around this country that if you go to one police force it is up for it, getting crime down and really motoring, while the adjacent force - serving very similar communities - has not got it together.

“It is not about money, it is about leadership, organisation and culture.”

The police are of course "furious", just like MPs were when their expenses were exposed to scrutiny.

Hetty the Hotty Goes Mad Or Is It Someone Else Who Is Equally. Or Even More, Insane?

Hi Steven

My name is James Dean, and I'm your new best friend. I came across your blog while looking for something else, but you're perfect! Your combination of smug and needy is perfection! I'm going to follow every move you make. You will never be alone again!
BTW, what is it with you and Hetty Baynes? Did she turn you down some time? Little case of hurt pride?
Oh, and the novel-writing ambition - fab! - you couldn't make it up! xx

20 October 2009 00:31

Hi there, my new best friend. You are no doubt going to become the star of this blog - well, as previously posted, I have lost interest and no-one else appears to be interested.

You may be a thicko, and that will entertain the readers that I do not have, but did it not occur to you that your IP address is now in my log files?

Maybe, I will broadcast it. Oh, sod the maybe. I will make time just for you.

Hetty Baynes Again: Losing a Grip on Reality

It seems that it is not only Chris Keil who wants to post inane comments to the Hetty Baynes blog:

As there is no e-mail address to send you a discreet communication - I'm having to post it here on your site:

What you have written is very distressing and unprofessional and an outright defamation of character towards someone who has done nothing to deserve your venom.

I'm kindly asking you to remove them and request that you refrain from passing judgment on people or cases you know nothing about.

If this is truly a blog about legal matters - where are all the OTHER legal matters you are supposed to be 'commenting' on???? Funny isn't it that it is just this case you mention... Seems to me that you are acting on someone's behalf - sour grapes to say the least!

You do not need to be reminded what the consequences of libel are... Do you?

For reasons set out in the previous post I have not been checking up on this blog much recently. This is posted by another "Anonymous" (I will find you dear). I suppose that is because he or she wants to remain "discreet" or, possibly, not expose themself to ridicule. Too late!

1. No-one else has difficulty emailing me. Oh, alright, try going to The Firm.

2. You are either a very bad lawyer or a very badly advised lay person and clearly have no understanding of the law of defamation.

3. If you think this is a blog about one case then that can only be because you accessed one page. Either (a) you are fixated on Hetty Baynes and/or (b) you are Hetty Baynes and/or (c) you are off your rocker and/or (d) you are a perfectly nice sane human being who just had one too many on 17th September this year.

3. Sue me. Go on, I dare you. Your brain is addled.

4. Ooo! You can only sue me if YOU ARE HETTY BAYNES! Well, at least that would explain 2 above.

The Meaning of Life

Trust me to get it wrong. There I am (provoked by Chris Keil) banging on about the meaninglessness of it all and reading Climbing Mount Improbable (very good, get a copy) and the ten ton truck shows up. So now I am head over heels in love and every single moment in her arms is just stuffed full of meaning. Oh, well.

Blade Running

I just woke up to hear that a lady's body has been identified by the serial numbers of her breast implants.

Well, there's another chore to add to a would be murderer's checklist of things to remove: fingers, teeth, breast implants...

The Meaninglessness of Meaninglessness

Visit the Daily Mail website. It is an everyday example of why nothing matters. The news, for them, is how much bigger, or less big, Jordan's tits were yesterday than the day before. The news, for them, is how many more, or fewer, drinks Jade Goody's ex-husband had the night before.

The Daily Mail is an easy target. The Daily Mail takes itself seriously but is in fact a shameful disgrace - as are all those who work for it, including its pompous self-regarding columnists: the opinion formers of middle England.

Is The Times any better? No, not really.

It is all a charade. Even the news about death and destruction, the machinations of infantile politicians and reviews of Chris Keil's books are wholly without merit or content of any kind that might for even the briefest second be meaningful.

Really, it is all Chris Keil's fault that I hardly bother with this blog any more. He has done you a service.

Oh, well, nothing new here then.



Cheer up! If it is all meaningless then you might as well have some fun.

Andy Murray v Frank Skinner

I have just watched the Murray v Ferrero match, which I could enjoy a bit.

However, I have also just been reading Frank Skinner's autobiography and distracting excerpts kept creeping into my mind as Andy Murray banged it down the court.
The problem is that Andy Murray and Frank Skinner look alike or, at the very least, share a similar sort of ugliness.

Of course, one of them can do push-ups without his legs touching the floor and the other just used to be legless most of the time. I'm not saying there are no differences that might enable you to tell them apart. For instance, one of them can tell jokes and the other gives the impression that jokes are a strange extraterrestrial concept that he long ago dismissed as one of those childish things that an adult puts behind him. One laughs a lot (including, endearingly, at his own jokes) and the other...ok, you find a picture on the Internet that shows Andy Murray smiling, let alone laughing.

Frank Skinner glories in the fact that his success has enabled him to have anal sex and any other kind of sex he wants with much younger and much prettier girls than he is himself (and he is entirely candid about being neither a young nor a pretty man). He also boasts about having swallowed a lot of tiny bits of toilet paper when he has, demonstrating his commitment to equality, gone down on these girls. OK, that is probably comic exaggeration (but it also probably happened once - because Frank keeps telling us about his telling and he says, always, that his telling is the truth). I believe the truth of the first sentence though.

The reason for that is not only that Andy Murray's current girlfriend is beautiful but that, in addition, they showed shots of a former girlfriend who happened also to be a former Miss Scotland who, would you believe it, was accompanied by another former Miss Scotland; both of them seemingly very enthusiastic about Andy - or, maybe, they are just tennis aficiandos.

Frank says its just being famous. He says that the more famous you are the more women you get to shag. He excuses his penchant for shagging young women because they would not look at him when he was young and unknown. Now, he can have almost any woman he wants.

Either Andy Murray gets to screw beautiful women because he is incredibly witty and empathetic (in addition to being famous) or he just gets these women because he is more famous than Frank Skinner. Maybe he and Frank should have a talk and do some trades.

I speak, of course, as an ugly person who is not famous, but it all seems a bit shallow.

I also speak as an atheist and cannot therefore say anything against someone leading a shallow life in the knowledge that it does not matter a damn and, hey, we will all be a long time in the grave: oblivious to our past misdeeds and pleasures. Therefore, fuck anything that moves. Indeed, why require movement?

But, Frank Skinner professes to be a genuine hands on Roman Catholic who gets his chauffeur to stop and let him light candles at suitable churches.

Having it both ways, Frank? Well, I guess you have already told us that.

Amazing Confessions: Chris Keil is Not a Dog

Ok, I admit it. Chris Keil is not a dog; not even the very nice looking pooch portrayed in my last post. It was a cruel and inhuman thing for me to do to place that picture above those nasty derogatory comments. I was, of course, legless when I did it. That, as Mr Keil has insinuated, excuses everything.

Chris Keil Admits He is a Drunk

Chris Keil cannot resist responding. Here is his latest:

Anonymous Chris Keil said...

I really want this to stop. I said I thought someone had used my name to post comments on your blog because I have absolutely no recollection of doing so myself. Maybe this was the result of inebriation so total that it has produced amnesia. I was not ‘admitting’ to have posted this garbage, but apologising for it, in particular for it being so atrociously badly written.You were entitled to defend yourself, and you have done so to devastating effect - you must be truly impressive in your working life. Consider me out for the count. Nevertheless, this is disproportionate. If you keep these posts up you will end by causing real distress to people who in no way deserve to have that inflicted on them, and I don’t understand why you would choose to do that. You have the means to prevent it. Would you take note of the fact that I am not being abusive to you; you are being abusive to me. All I can do is to ask you again: please delete these posts.

OK, that is fun but now let us see the same quote with some appropriate comments.

Anonymous Chris Keil said...

I really want this to stop.

[I am 100% convinced that this is a truthful statement; particularly, the wish for anonymity. But then why post the identical comment (a comment identifying the sender) five times in response to two different blogs? Possibly Mr Keil has a dodgy trigger finger; especially when it hovers over the send button and its owner has had a few.]

I said I thought someone had used my name to post comments on your blog because I have absolutely no recollection of doing so myself.

[That is not what was said. What was said was:

"Someone has used my name to post a comment, without my knowledge or consent. Could I ask you to remove it please"

Is telling lies habit forming?]

Maybe this was the result of inebriation so total that it has produced amnesia.

["Maybe" is poor English; "it may be that" would have been better. Otherwise, I can believe in the "inebriation" but the assertion that it produced "amnesia" is easily refuted. See Mr Keil's lying suggestion that it was not him, gov, as reproduced above. This was sent five minutes after the last of his abusive and allegedly forgotten messages.]

I was not ‘admitting’ to have posted this garbage,

[Oh, yes you were, I have the log files, and the audience (well, there isn't one, but never mind) is now chanting "OH, YES YOU WERE!" in the stereotypical response to a pantomime villain which is, sadly, what you have now become.]

but apologising for it,

[Why were you apologising for something you had not done? Cross-examining you would be a piece of cake.]

in particular for it being so atrociously badly written

[Your subsequent efforts have not demonstrated any superior skill but I will read your book Liminal just to check that my first impression of your literary skills does not do you a disservice.]

You were entitled to defend yourself, and you have done so to devastating effect - you must be truly impressive in your working life.

[Sucking up will get you nowhere with me. I only respect people who fight back with rational and persuasive arguments. All that you have provided is whining self-justification of a sickening nature.]

Consider me out for the count.

[That is a matter for you. Free tip: underestimating opponents is very unwise.]

Nevertheless, this is disproportionate.

[This is a good point. I have wondered whether I have transformed myself from the victim into the bully. On balance, I have decided that that has not happened yet. You are the writer with published work and I am only a wannabe writer. Thus, you have the power to bully and I am only fighting back.

The proportionality of the methods I use to defend myself depends upon the nature of the attack I am defending myself against. You have repeatedly stated that you want me dead. Physical response by me might well therefore be justified to defend myself. Certainly, my choice to defend myself only by the use of words in response to a death threat cannot be considered "disproportionate".]

If you keep these posts up you will end by causing real distress to people who in no way deserve to have that inflicted on them, and I don’t understand why you would choose to do that.

[Who are these mysterious people? Who is it that is inflicting distress upon them? Is it you?]

You have the means to prevent it.

[No, you have those means. Confess and your soul may then be content. Whether the deserving people will also be content will be a matter for them.]

Would you take note of the fact that I am not being abusive to you;

[I take note that your mood is different today and confer upon you benediction for your past sins.]

you are being abusive to me

[You are a very silly man; I am merely responding to your abuse of me. There are no circumstances in which I would have abused someone as you did me.]

All I can do is to ask you again: please delete these posts.

[Yeah, Mamma!]

What is Chris Keil's Problem?

I pause in relation to Chris Keil's comment that I am a "sad prick" who should "die, fuck off, both" to speculate whether he has got religion. Otherwise, I wonder how I could fuck off after I had died. I would by definition already have fucked off at the same time I followed his first instruction to die. Having fucked off this mortal coil it could only be my ghost that would be left to follow his second instruction. I do not believe in ghosts but it may be that Chris Keil is a haunted man and could provide personal testimony concerning the ghosts (demons?) that surround him.

His latest comment appears to lend support to this theory:

I fully understand your reaction, and I apologise unreservedly. However, there are people other than myself who are innocent parties and who would be deeply hurt by seeing this, so I can only ask you once more to accept my apologies and to delete all this. 11 June 2009.

I frankly do not understand Mr Keil's concern. This blog is only read in desolated and alienated places, is boring and uninteresting and will therefore be wholly ignored by the wider world. What therefore has he got to worry about? Unless, of course, he has a belief that any comment about him will be avidly tracked down by his hordes of admirers wherever it may appear. Oh, dear! That would make him a prime candidate for comment on a site entitled Divorcing Reality.

This is entirely speculative of course but is Chris Keil involved in a contact/residence dispute where alcohol consumption is an issue?

I have no information at all because, as Mr Keil complains, I lack any "insider slant."

This is apparently a required qualification for an interesting blog.

Well, Mr Keil's last post on his own inpress books uk blog was as follows:

The city is returned to me, the keys to leaping bridges, silver skies. In the radiant anonymity of its streets, a fish is released into water.

That is it; in its entirety. Check Chris's bog. Well, it appears no more than a candidate for Pseuds' Corner but that is irrelevant; no more than my opinion and I may be accused of bias.

However, I ask you to visit Mr Keil's blog and defy you to find anything interesting there that is the product of his having any kind of insider slant, even in relation to his own personality.

If you do find something interesting then I will be more than happy to reproduce it here. The chap clearly needs more publicity.

So, we come to his allegations that I am clogging up the internet and that anyone who posts stuff without a big audience or inside information is necessarily doing so.

It is preposterous nonsense and hardly deserves a reply but many people use the internet or post on the internet simply for an audience of family and friends or simply as no more than the equivalent of a commonplace book of old. No-one forces their crap (and, it may well be crap) on anyone else.

What offends me about Chris Keil's comments is not the personal abuse of me but the incredible arrogance and sense of self-importance that they demonstrate him to have. I am as sure about the fact that his personal opinion of himself is unjustified as I am about anything. However, I confess I have not read his book or books. The sentences quoted above were enough for me.

Chris Keil: The Big Lie

On 20th May. Chris Keil said:

Someone has used my name to post a comment, without my knowledge or consent. Could I ask you to remove it please.

It was an obvious lie and on 22nd May, Chris Keil said:

I deeply regret the appearance of these comments on your blog, but as they have the capacity to cause a good deal of harm to a number of people, I would ask you to delete them.

Chris Keil has accused me of poor journalese. Well, could he please explain to me what moral authority he pretends to have (even compared to, for instance, a Member of Parliament known to have fiddled their expenses) following the first quote above which is an obvious and incontrovertably blatant lie?

Who wants to read his novels now?

His utter desparation is illustrated by his reference to unnamed other "people" who will be "harmed". Seems like the only person he is really concerned about is himself.